Mindless Thoughts Cause Infinite Dreams

I’ve been daydreaming all day today.

I would give my first born right now if I could leave my office and just go play outside. I don’t care how cold it is. Anything would be better than being stuck inside on a day like today.

Come summer I will be wiggling in my chair waiting for the clock to tick five o’ clock. It will not be able to come sooner. Time will almost stand still at ten minutes till and I will be in complete agony.

Is there anything better than a girl who loves to pull on an old pair of jeans and ride until her bum is numb and her legs burning beneath her? I love getting dirty with my pony!

Oh yes, and Dart is still lame but hopefully new shoes will make it better soon!

Bearing Love with Longanimity

Love can be excruciating sometimes.

Just saying that little word can bring a lot of heartache and bruising. Once love is brought into the picture the flood gates open for all existing brands of suffering.

It’s interesting that such a simple word can bring such an onslaught of tribulation.

An evasive word but not spoken nearly enough. Perhaps if it were it would not be such an afflicting term.

Perhaps if we heard it spoken often with such sentiment that only true devotion and fervor are evoked we would never again feel the tumultuous strain of vulnerability and mauled emotions.

After all, this little word is easily not spoken but interminably felt and impossible to ignore.

We all need to encounter love more often.

Inveigh To Someone Less Happy Than I

The cherry blossoms are blooming.

This is one of my favorite times of the year. I could walk around downtown for hours snapping pictures of the blossoms and the people who flock there to see them.

It’s interesting to see the different types of people who come out. It’s almost like the cherry blossoms signal an end to our hibernation.

That is what we do after all. We hibernate; but not just our bodies, we hibernate everything.

One of my biggest peeves is when you know that someone is thinking about something, and you really do want to hear what it is, but they only mumble “nothing” when you ask them to disclose their thoughts. I’m guilty of this myself; though it doesn’t bother me quite as much when I do it as when others do it. ;-)

The fact is that no one likes to share their thoughts if there is any consideration that one’s thoughts might not be taken the way they are meant. We don’t want to open ourselves up to that kind of rejection. What if I want to tell someone I love them (this might be the ultimate example), but when all is said and done the expression on the recipients face is one of utter shock and disgust? Alas the threat of such an event smolders any aspiration of sharing one’s thoughts. It just won’t happen.

So we satisfy out pathetic hunger with thoughts of what that other person might say. We muse about what it could be like.

Hahaha…we just stare longingly into one another’s eyes willing them to say exactly what we are thinking so we both can feel contentment and comfort.

I don’t have to say anything because it’s obvious that the person staring into my eyes already feels what I’m thinking…

….when in reality they are thinking about French fries or some other guilty pleasure.

Unwanted Rebarbative Commentaries

As much as I like to talk I also enjoy listening to the people around me. I have a habit of following more than one conversation at once. :-) Not to say that I’m not listening to the person who is actually talking to me, but I can additionally catch interesting words being spoken near me. I often catch parts of conversations that interest me more than the conversation I’m occupied with. Some of the people I’ve met recently can’t contribute to a conversation if their life depended on it; so I find my thoughts wondering towards more colorful discussions. It’s kind of like listening to only one end of a phone conversation.

One of my favorite Bloggers, Jeff Gates (whose blog is linked under the sites I love), has running blog entries about the phone conversations he hears while on the Metro. It’s interesting to contemplate exactly what it is the other person is saying. You can never be entirely sure of the verbiage but in most cases you can approximate the tone. What’s being said can be just as affecting as the tone it is said in; though the tone of the conversation really has the biggest impression on the majority of people. I know it does for me.

I am very sensitive to the tone in which things are said. I’ve heard a lot of garbage coming from people’s mouths in my lifetime. I have had people take their cruddy lives out on me before…I use to accept it, let it roll off my shoulders and try to forget that it happened…

…I suppose I can’t say I use to. I still do.

I understand that people need to vent and that sometimes your bad day is going to rub off on other people. You can’t just get out of your slump because you’re around someone that makes you happy. Sometimes those kinds of days just don’t come off that easily. Sometimes you will be angry at the one person you love more than anything. That’s okay too. It is okay to be angry or frustrated.

It is not okay to make that person feel worthless because you have not learned to listen to yourself as you speak. It is not okay to ignore your tone in hopes that venting on this poor person will make you feel better. It is not okay to treat the person who cares the most as someone who you could careless for.

Take a hint from me and move furniture or clean the kitchen grout with a toothbrush; for it is far easier to keep your mouth shut than it is to ask for forgiveness for saying something you will regret. The damage is already done once it is heard by its intended recipient. No amounts of “sorry” will make that other person forget what was said or the tone thereof.

Next time you are talking to someone maybe you should pay considerate attention to the tone in which you are speaking and dare to predict the affect your words will have on those who are intently listening.

Idiosyncrasies Meet Raw Indomitability

I completely understand people’s idiosyncrasies, and I understand that people don’t always have the same level of ambition; but there should be no reason why people have to exert their attitude on others.

I come into work on time every day. I normally eat through my lunches if I decide to eat, and I’m always available when people need me. I take on more work readily. I meet all of my deadlines so far as I have control over. I make it to all of my meetings on time. I ride that delicate balance between having fun and getting my work done.

So what is the deal with the person in the office that can’t seem to do any of it? He doesn’t come in on time. He take his lunch late and then comes back two hours later. He takes four to six smoke breaks a day, each at least ten to fifteen minutes long. He doesn’t have any projects assigned to him anymore because he can’t get anything done on time or remotely correct.

Where did those projects go? You’ve got it. Me. I get to receive ten different calls a day from Chase Morgan to notify me that the control totals from the day before still have not been called in. I have to sift through those ten calls to see if any of them are valid. That’s just the start of it.

To add insult to injury he corrupts my temp. So now I have a mouthy temp who doesn’t think he has to do anything because this particular guy does crap and still gets paid…gets paid to search on eBay all day and smoke. What a life huh? Is it any wonder the temp wasn’t offered the full time position we had?

I tell you what. You can slack off all you want. You can sit on your ass and let everyone else work hard around you. You can decide that dedication is only for those who want something out of life, but you don’t have to take action because you are coming to the end of yours. You can think that since you are close to retirement you can bad mouth others behind their backs and walk around calling the woman you work with derogatory names.

You can do that if that’s what make you sleep at night; but do not waste my time. Do not point a finger at me when you screw something up. Do not cry in the boss’ office that I am unfair and a cruel hearted bitch. Do not get in my way as I work up to the top. Some day I will be your boss (if you hold out long enough old man) and you will want me on your good side.

Do not underestimate the determination of this chica.

Early Morning Phone Calls and Still No Ballet Date

It isn’t often that I am not able to find someone to do something with…but I think I might have met my match.

I simply cannot find someone to go to ballet with me this weekend.

It’s supposed to be a great ballet, and I have third (or fourth) row orchestra seats! Those are great seats! Why someone wouldn’t want to take me up on my offer just for the seats, I don’t know. It will be a great way to spend a Saturday night. It’s like going to the Opera; everyone gets dressed up and time seems to pause. The only difference is that I don’t have to search for someone to go to the Opera with me.

I find this very ironic; everyone wants to go to the Opera with me, but no one wants to go to a ballet. I get tickets every season to the Washington Opera from my Super-diva Mom; and people fight over my extra ticket like it’s the Hope Diamond. I just don’t get it.

So in the end I will be at that ballet, even if I’m by myself. I’ve done it before for the Opera, so I’ll do it again. Heck, it’s the Kennedy Center…I’m bound to run into someone I know.

Oh yes; thank you, to all of you men in my life, for blowing up my phone late last night. P, you must have missed the memo, I did not hear from you. Beware gentlemen; I’m going to start charging by the minute after 2:00 am. Perhaps some of you can wake up your girlfriends instead? Silly me, then I wouldn’t be Katharine who keeps her phone on and beside her bed for just such occasions.

Infinite Relief in Habitual Respiration

I feel so unmotivated to do anything productive today. All I really want is to sleep in a perpetual warm hug knowing that I’m not expected to do more then inhale/exhale exercises.

Wouldn’t that be great?

It is great for those of us who know what it's like to not be able to do that. Hugs always make breathing easier.

Hugs make EVERYTHING better.