I couldn’t sleep last night. I tossed and turned and when I did doze off I had the same dream over and over again. I finally got up and took the dog out…at about 3:15. I jogged her up by the mall, turned left went down to the Safeway, turned left again and went to the Silver Diner, then turned right and went back home.
On the way home we ran into a guy wearing a really baggy sweatshirt. Kira started growling, and not the cute puppy growl that she has when she’s playing. The guy crossed the street right before passing us. Good girl Kira! This is why I don’t worry about going out for midnight jogs!
We get home, but I still feel restless. I read for about a half hour, but still don’t want to back to sleep. I’m trying to avoid dreaming. I contemplate taking something, but by now I wouldn’t be able to get eight full hours of sleep. More like two. I go back to bed and just stare at the ceiling…thinking.
Why is it that Kira so readily jumps to my defense if she thinks I’m in danger? People don’t do that. Isn’t it strange that an animal that has no cognizant thought can do what well educated, conscious people cannot? She didn’t think about the danger she could be putting herself in. She doesn’t question what she feels she has to do to protect the thing most important to her. Why can’t people do that for each other? Why do we question one another’s intentions? What happened to blind trust? What happened to being there for someone not matter what just because you love them? Why question love? Why determine your level of participation based on theirs?
We are all broken in some way. We all have history; some good, and some very bad. We are a conscious people, so we don’t let ourselves forget our past. We hold our past against other people. We punish them because we torment ourselves with our history.
For example; I have issues with people who get aggressive when they drink. It’s all in my past and it reminds me of terrible things from my past. I’ve turned down potentially great dates because they acted like R when I met them, and I just can’t go there again.
The key is not judging people until you get to know them. Don’t punish someone because you are afraid of history repeating itself. What happened to blind trust? Someone got hurt. That’s what happened. Someone got hurt, and will forever protect themselves from being hurt in the same way. Why question love? Because loving someone means being ultimately vulnerable and opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again. Why do it? Because life isn’t worth it if you can’t have a little blind trust and it isn’t worth living if you can’t love someone and risk being broken.
I woke up twenty minutes later feeling like I’ve slept all night, with Kira’s snoring head on my stomach.
On the way home we ran into a guy wearing a really baggy sweatshirt. Kira started growling, and not the cute puppy growl that she has when she’s playing. The guy crossed the street right before passing us. Good girl Kira! This is why I don’t worry about going out for midnight jogs!
We get home, but I still feel restless. I read for about a half hour, but still don’t want to back to sleep. I’m trying to avoid dreaming. I contemplate taking something, but by now I wouldn’t be able to get eight full hours of sleep. More like two. I go back to bed and just stare at the ceiling…thinking.
Why is it that Kira so readily jumps to my defense if she thinks I’m in danger? People don’t do that. Isn’t it strange that an animal that has no cognizant thought can do what well educated, conscious people cannot? She didn’t think about the danger she could be putting herself in. She doesn’t question what she feels she has to do to protect the thing most important to her. Why can’t people do that for each other? Why do we question one another’s intentions? What happened to blind trust? What happened to being there for someone not matter what just because you love them? Why question love? Why determine your level of participation based on theirs?
We are all broken in some way. We all have history; some good, and some very bad. We are a conscious people, so we don’t let ourselves forget our past. We hold our past against other people. We punish them because we torment ourselves with our history.
For example; I have issues with people who get aggressive when they drink. It’s all in my past and it reminds me of terrible things from my past. I’ve turned down potentially great dates because they acted like R when I met them, and I just can’t go there again.
The key is not judging people until you get to know them. Don’t punish someone because you are afraid of history repeating itself. What happened to blind trust? Someone got hurt. That’s what happened. Someone got hurt, and will forever protect themselves from being hurt in the same way. Why question love? Because loving someone means being ultimately vulnerable and opening yourself up to the possibility of being hurt again. Why do it? Because life isn’t worth it if you can’t have a little blind trust and it isn’t worth living if you can’t love someone and risk being broken.
I woke up twenty minutes later feeling like I’ve slept all night, with Kira’s snoring head on my stomach.
1 comment:
Katy you have to be kidding. 3:15am? You should have called me!
Did you ever figure out the name of the Mexican guy you called me about?
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