It’s been said in the past that I am terribly truthful to people about the facts, but less so about my feelings.
I find this a rather intriguing truth about myself; I can tell anyone the truth about facts, about inanimate objects, about anything pertaining to the “outside” world. When it comes to my feelings I tend to lie. I have the ability to look someone square in the face and tell them I don’t love them…even though I love them more than anything. I have, in the past, told people I’m fine…when in all reality I’m not anywhere close to fine.
Why?
I know I do it to protect myself. I want to protect myself from being hurt by someone taking my most tender and vulnerable feelings and walking all over them. It comes from experiencing that level of pain in the past.
I’ve changed a lot since I started doing that. Now I can try to lie about my feelings, but my eyes have long since abandoned their part in the lie…anyone can tell anything by my eyes. Well, so I’m told. Though my eyes have told the truth for some time, I have been working on the rest of me. I am working towards wanting to tell people the truth…but it’s hard for me. Sometimes it requires I close my eyes and jump in feet first, regardless of how I imagine the other person will react.
Other people lie though.
It is very hard to strive to be completely truthful when all around you people are lying to you.
Why do they do it? Are they protecting themselves from danger? Are they protecting other people? Are they simply telling themselves a lie, so in correlation telling lies to you? Perhaps they are just afraid of the same consequences I am afraid of.
What a hazardous circle for people to be in. If only we could all walk around with little noses that grow…
I find my sanctuary with my friends, they are easy to tell the truth too because I believe they will be there despite the reaction. I am very thankful to have not experienced anything different.
I find this a rather intriguing truth about myself; I can tell anyone the truth about facts, about inanimate objects, about anything pertaining to the “outside” world. When it comes to my feelings I tend to lie. I have the ability to look someone square in the face and tell them I don’t love them…even though I love them more than anything. I have, in the past, told people I’m fine…when in all reality I’m not anywhere close to fine.
Why?
I know I do it to protect myself. I want to protect myself from being hurt by someone taking my most tender and vulnerable feelings and walking all over them. It comes from experiencing that level of pain in the past.
I’ve changed a lot since I started doing that. Now I can try to lie about my feelings, but my eyes have long since abandoned their part in the lie…anyone can tell anything by my eyes. Well, so I’m told. Though my eyes have told the truth for some time, I have been working on the rest of me. I am working towards wanting to tell people the truth…but it’s hard for me. Sometimes it requires I close my eyes and jump in feet first, regardless of how I imagine the other person will react.
Other people lie though.
It is very hard to strive to be completely truthful when all around you people are lying to you.
Why do they do it? Are they protecting themselves from danger? Are they protecting other people? Are they simply telling themselves a lie, so in correlation telling lies to you? Perhaps they are just afraid of the same consequences I am afraid of.
What a hazardous circle for people to be in. If only we could all walk around with little noses that grow…
I find my sanctuary with my friends, they are easy to tell the truth too because I believe they will be there despite the reaction. I am very thankful to have not experienced anything different.
1 comment:
I'd like to add that no one in particular is lying to me as I know it; I just have been thinking about ways to improve my relationships and this plays a large part. :-)
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