The Dues Are In!

I’ve sent in my entry form and dues for the DPC HT coming up!

A little nervous about the Dressage test…I can barely remember what meetings I have in a day, let alone a dressage test! I’ll be out at the barn next week walking through the test on foot…good thing most people don’t know where the barn is.

So a little more than two weeks after my accident and I’ll be riding everyday this week. Again, I don’t waste any time....though my chest felt like a two ton weight all day yesterday. Of course that didn’t stop me from dancing.

It’s like I told the Doctor, I will work through pain…so long as I’m not doing any damage to anything.

Oh yes, I have a protective vest to use…so no more worries about that!

A Little Fluid Never Killed Anyone

The verdict is in…

I will be competing in October.

The Ortho gave me the thumbs up to ride again, and to compete. It looks like there was no ligament damage, just fluid. Apparently the fluid is what is causing all the pain…damn fluid.

Other than pain he says I won’t have any problems. He said the fluid should reabsorb within a few weeks, but to come back in six if the pain doesn’t go away. No brace, no rehab!!!

Yaaaah Me!

I had a lesson scheduled within five minutes of walking out of the office…I obviously do not waste time with things.

A little bad news…I have been told not to fall anymore. Ha! Like that will never happen again. The thing is my sternum has a fracture in it. I’ve been told that when it fuses back together it will never be as strong as it once was…in a nut shell that means that another fall like the one I had could do more than just fracture it again. So it looks like any cross country work I do will include a protective vest.

By the way, that is an actual frame of my knee above. I love technology!! They gave me a copy of the MRI disk.

Dreams Are For Everyone...

Weekends Are For Making Mistakes

The weekend…

You run around stressed and overworked all week…just to head off into the weekend.

Sleep deprivation of course blurs your conscience and principles.

You run around blind to consequences…until Monday when the week starts over again.

Knee Updates...

I saw the orthopedic surgeon yesterday. I love this group; they have some amazing doctors…

Looks like a serious sprain, at least per Dr A. I took more X rays…no broken bones. Looks like I will still be on crutches, but am off the immobilizer for the time being. He’d like to put me in a brace with hinges so I can bend my knee while giving it support, though he would like to wait for the abrasions on my knee to heal a little.

He also wants me to get an MRI to be sure the swelling and bruising is not because of ligament damage, he is worried about my medial meniscus.

I go in for an MRI Friday evening, and then another appointment with the ortho four days after that. That will be the moment of truth. Keep your fingers crossed…

Oh, and the chest still hurts like a bitch…but what can you do? I’ve been told to force deep breathes or cough a couple times a day to avoid pneumonia or any other infection from not inhaling/exhaling deeply. You can all imagine how good that feels…

The View From the Ground

Humpty Dumpty fell this weekend while riding with a bunch of friends out in Middleburg…and fractured her sternum, and bruised up her knee (I’m hopeful that is all I did to it; have yet to have that confirmed).

Spent two hours in the ER; which I consider a record fast time…was yelled at by several people for driving myself there… Enjoyed a CAT scan, a CT, and several very painful X-rays…plus two IVs (I was considered a trauma case since I broke my helmet), and that very cool warm stuff that dies your blood for the CT. Plus I escaped having my shirt cut off simply because someone there understood how expensive riding apparel is.

Am now on pain meds for the sternum…and in a knee immobilizer until I can get in to see the orthopedic surgeon for an MRI to confirm whether it’s just bruising or more ligament damage. Other than hurting when inhaling, exhaling, coughing, sneezing, and hiccupping, I feel fine. I would have ridden yesterday in fact if it weren’t for my knee.

My number one question for the doctor?

When will I be able to ride again?

Again With The Torturing...

Below are pieces of a blog post that a friend of mine posted recently. Instead of filling their comment section with my thoughts on the post I decided to take the relevant section and write about it here…

“Well...... you know those sitcom-style neighbor stereotypes... the ones always borrowing things from the main character - who then acts like they are doing the loaner a favor?

You know... like "I took a few of the six-packs of beer out of your fridge... so you'd have more room the next time you went to the store." (Insert laugh track)...

You kind of assume people aren’t actually LIKE this, right? Yet, there it is... True, it is slightly more subtle, but I have started noticing the trend with someone close to me.
I think maybe it’s just an inconsiderate ego-thing to avoid expressions of gratitude, but rather to turn it around so you don't have to acknowledge how much you are taking/receiving from another person....fear of debt to them? Fear that you will be called on to reciprocate? Hmm...that may be hinting at something there.....

Still, there it is...”

I’m curious to find why people do this. I too have experienced something very similar to what they are describing, from someone I also highly regard (perhaps the same person? I don’t know the answer to that.)

There the problem may lie…

I’ve come to the conclusion that I regard this particular person as a better friend then he regards me as. Being such I treat him better than he treats me. The funny thing is I can’t bring myself to treat him any different.

The biggest problem…I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to reciprocate the feelings. Perhaps I advanced him on the friend list without actually seeking approval. Maybe he doesn’t want to be that close a friend to me…that’s actually a very depressing thought.

Maybe he wants to reciprocate those feelings…but doesn’t know how too. Maybe he’s afraid too. Hmm…that’s an entirely new blog post.

Meanwhile, I feel that I’ve been loaning out the friend benefits left and right…and dropping my world to be there for him when needed…all to find out that I didn’t need the extra room in the fridge…in fact all that extra room just showcases what isn’t there.

It’s an incredibly poor play; one of the players does not know their lines. Said player has lines whispered to them by someone who inexplicably loves them (not in the romantic sense) and cannot stand seeing them fail; the player triumphs…but forgets who helped them when they needed it. The audience sees everything, asks for their money back…but then is found at the stage door asking for autographs.

I need help stopping myself from feeding him lines when he needs it. I know…well before doing it…that whatever I give him will not be returned. I will drop everything to be there for him, but he will never make time for me. The thing is…I would never wish him to be alone when he needs someone. So for the time I will sacrifice my own desire for friendship, and everything that encompasses it, so that he may not feel abandoned.

Stupid me probably needs to realize that he will never be abandoned…he will always have someone to lean on. He is very good at making it seem like he is doing me a favor by letting me be there for him. Letting me cheer him up when things aren’t going well.

Lucky me.

So the real question is how do we stop this from driving us nuts? Now that we can see what is happening…what do we do to avoid it? Do we want to avoid it?

Perhaps we just say we want to avoid it so we don’t sound crazy for putting ourselves through this hell again…but in reality something about the person draws us in…like a bad addiction. We just can’t seem to stop torturing ourselves…