Que Onda Caballo?

Just a Bout of Ranting

Thanks J for sending me the link to the video above. It made my day watching it... a little like Cing's video did. I like the music, which is what really made me happy. Although I'm having a great day, so it isn't like I need something to make me happy.

Oh, wait...one thing would make me very happy. I would love it if all of my friends would understand that I only put into a relationship what I expect out of it. Please don't waste my time if you are not willing to at least give me the same amount of respect I give you. This applies mostly for my time and energy. I’m feeling a little battered by a few people who do not seem to understand this…

If I’m making time for you it’s because I want to do it, not because I feel forced or obligated. If I go out of my way to do something nice for you, accept it. THAT IS JUST WHO I AM. Perhaps those of you who question this do so because you are not use to people offering such things without expecting something in return. P knows that I will always go above and beyond for my friends.

If that is not what you want from me than just tell me up front. Don’t parade around pretending that everything is okay while you tell everyone else that I’m trying too hard. Why not try to get to know me a little bit more before you make command decisions like that? Usually when someone is “trying to hard” they start to lay off when the novelty of the relationship wears away…you will not find this with me.

I appreciate honesty and straight forward communication. I’m not easily offended by truthful feelings, and I’m smart as hell; so please do not underestimate me. I will get it if you tell me directly that you are overwhelmed by the energy and enthusiasm I bring into a relationship. Obviously this will not work if I am extremely tired or in a large distracting place or anywhere near being drunk. You all should know better than that. ;-)

I just want all of you to understand where I am coming from; clearly not all of you know me as well as P, S, R…I can keep going, but you get the point. I’m a powerful force who tends to run over people without trying. I feel terrible when I realize that it happened, but nonetheless it will probably happen again unless I know about it. I’m emotionally sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of other people…sometimes too much. I’m often sad when the people I care about are sad. It’s who I am, and as much as I would like too, I can’t change it; but in a broad perspective who wants me too? I enjoy my level of empathy very much.

Anyways…I just had to get that off my chest after a few issues I’ve been involved in this week. No one needs to take it personally…it’s my blog and I’ll rant if I want to.

Home Sick for Homework

I am so glad to be back at work. I get into the office and have a gazillion emails to get back too. I checked my email Friday but was clever to not open any work related emails. What a grievous task. I had two packages sitting on my desk this morning. Two of our members either admire my work very much or detest it and wish me to gain weight by eating chocolate. They will have some very nice thank you cards coming to them in the mail this week.

I have toyed with the idea, for some time now, to take some classes irrelevant to my major or minor. I’m not sure where I will find the time to do this, but I’m aching to learn more about things I only have a notion of. Most of this aspiration comes from people I know believe it or not. I can’t tolerate someone talk about something they really adore, but I myself have no clue of. I rather be a part of the conversation than appear to be in a lecture. I want to be able to contribute to the conversation.

I’d like to learn more about astronomy so I can talk about that with L…more than the whole Pluto not being a planet thing, I read a lot about that. I want to know more about geology so I can talk with (don’t laugh) L Jr., he’s learning a lot about this stuff in school right now. I’d like to learn more about engineering and structures so I can talk more with M…yes, I said M. I’d also like to touch up on my politics to talk with my Uncle S and Aunt C. P has this whole other level of knowledge that I can’t even begin to understand…though I think we have similar job titles. Go figure. I don't have to worry too much about him...I only get to talk to him when he isn't being shot at, dying and/or losing appendages...

What subject involves theories that a comet is going to hit earth in so many years and destroy most of the western hemisphere? My Grandfather is reading about this and seems to enjoy discussing things revolving around science and the idea that it is all based on theory. We got in some very deep conversations about the “Big Boom” theory in which I was able to share my opinions, but mostly did a lot of listening since I am not well-read on the idea.

I have got the whole science/evolution/relativity thing under hand so far with a few books L is lending me. However all of the other topics are escaping me for the time being. Why can’t I suspend reality for one moment so I can learn as much as I possibly can about all I ever wanted? I really do feel like a bottomless well for knowledge. I guess that’s why I always did well in school when I wanted too. I’m kicking myself in the butt for not taking those physics and calculus classed in high school. I’d die for some decent homework right about now…but with everything else going on in my life when will I find time? I better get my fall classed all lines up though so I can get into the classed I want. At some point I’m going to have to make time for lab classes…though I will probably leave those for last. I need to go take my math placement too…ugh. Math is hard. How can I understand chemistry but falter in math? My Mom likes to think I’m a prodigy and simple math is beyond my level of thinking. I like to think math is hard and I only want to learn it if it helps me in some big way in the future. Anyone who would care to explain to me how it will help please do so fast so I can make up my mind about what classed to take in the fall.

Celebrate Business Success...by wasting time

Posted to my My Space blog today...

Had an all staff meeting today; they like to call it Celebrate Business Success. It really is two hours of listening to department Managers talk about what they are doing right, and occasionally what they are not doing right.

It isn’t the best two hours spent. I rather they send out a memo instead of dragging us away from our work and asking us to sit through countless minutes of droning. There are the rare Managers who get up there and force their comatose audience to laugh a little, but otherwise I find it a slight waste of time. I’ve got a lot of work to do to be able to be out of the office next week. Contrary to popular belief I am working right now…there is only so much you can do while sitting on the phone with people. Hey…I horseback ride, so I’m great at multi-tasking.

I also happened to fall into a prescription for some Valium…yeah me! No more anxiety attacks for this girlie...at least not on the plane. You’d know what I was talking about if you read The Prodigal Dancer blog on my blogspot…get on the ball folks.

Hmm…I’ve got so much to do before Sunday. Where does all the time go?

The Prodigal Dancer

I went to my dance class last night, I figured with the recital coming up, and my friends busy with other things, I might as well go. I’m glad I did. Turns out, for the recital, I’m right dab in the front of all the girls, right in the center of the stage. Maybe if I pretend I’m not as good she will move me to the back…or I can somehow misplace my shoes…

After my dance class I went over to J’s place. Of course we watched Cing’s video again…you all have to check it out...make sure you play the music with it. I was having a terribly depressing day yesterday, so I really just wanted to get my mind off stuff and relax. We certainly did that. Made a quick run to Home Depot, then 7 Eleven for some chocolate and ice cream (I stuck with Cherry Garcia since they didn’t have strawberry), then went back to her place. Yes, I did run errands in a leotard and leg warmers, but in my defense I had a sweater and a pair of yoga Capri pants on too.

We talked about friends and family and the fact that I am still trying to find a way out of my lease so I don’t have to keep dealing with M. Why oh why can’t he just find some amazing girl and want to move out?! I think this is currently a battle of wills, neither one of us wants to back down...God knows I should, I’ve tried for the last year to make this work…but sadly, a relationship really can only be sustained by two people, not one pathetic one.

So I reluctantly go home after a cup of tea and lots of please-don’t-go-home-yet looks from J.

I wake up from a dream around 7:10 this morning not being able to breathe. I knew I wasn’t going to make it this entire week without an anxiety attack or two.

I read in a book once that said people dream about the last thoughts they have before they fall asleep. I was thinking about my trip out to California this weekend. I didn’t get an anti-anxiety prescription from my doctor…J suggested I get some travel medication to knock me out during the flight. I think it’s a good idea, but what do I do while I’m actually in California?

Hmm…I guess just stock up on emergency inhalers and Nebulizer medication.

Goosebump maker extrodinare!

Addio, del passato bei sogni ridenti,
Le rose del volto già son pallenti;
L'amore d'Alfredo pur esso mi manca,
Conforto, sostegno dell'anima stanca
Ah, della traviata sorridi al desio;
A lei, deh, perdona; tu accoglila, o Dio,
Or tutto finì.


Le gioie, i dolori tra poco avran fine,
La tomba ai mortali di tutto è confine!
Non lagrima o fiore avrà la mia fossa,
Non croce col nome che copra quest'ossa!
Ah, della traviata sorridi al desio;
A lei, deh, perdona; tu accoglila, o Dio,
Or tutto finì.

Does ecstasy ever stop being so intoxicating?

Saw a movie with a friend, B, on Friday...great movie by the way. I recommend Pan's Labyrinth to anyone who can read subtitles and pay attention to the movie at the same time. Being able to see more than what meets the eye should be a prerequisite too. Definitely any regular Opera viewer will enjoy; plus reading those surtitles will come in handy when reading the English subtitles in the movie. Oh yeah, I also had some Strawberry ice cream…which of course people who know me know I don't get often, but thoroughly enjoy when I do. I'm a glutton for strawberry ice cream and amazing conversation, amongst other things.

Saturday went shoe shopping…a little less enjoyable…but then went to the barn. Had a great ride, made J jump around like a crazy person after all my hard work. Was worth it completely! Then went with B to his company Casino night. Yes, my dress was fine besides the fact that said bra did not make it into bag when I packed my things earlier that day. Inconsequential detail…Had a BLAST Saturday night. I think I behaved…the jury is still out.

Sunday morning I wake up to my little brother and his fantastic eyelashes. The kid has all the luck. He wants to talk about what I did last night and why I'm wearing my "fancy" dress still. (It was like three in the morning, I was tired and VERY cold…I just grabbed the closet blanket and crashed.) Could anyone ask for more? I miss living with the folks just because of him...it's amazing how quickly he grew up. I'm paranoid that one day I'm going to wake up and he's going to be an adult; then I'll look back and wish I had spent more time with him. To think…I'm old enough to be his mother if I had followed family tradition. What can I say? I'm an overachiever.

I go home around 8:00 am, lie in bed for approximately 57 minutes…then get my butt up and dance around the house (and yes, singing at the top of my lungs) with my dog to Truman singing Morning Light. (Look it up, it's a great song.) My dog is running around me like I'm holding a steak above my head. I wonder what she's thinking. Probably something like: "I've got the coolest Mom who knows how to groove, this is great!"

I sit back down to finish this blog and now I'm thinking…I'm sure this can get better, but at this point I'm happy…and that's all the matters right now!

Now if I can only figure out how to double my 401k profit…