I Can Find Waldo…What About Truth?

It’s been said in the past that I am terribly truthful to people about the facts, but less so about my feelings.

I find this a rather intriguing truth about myself; I can tell anyone the truth about facts, about inanimate objects, about anything pertaining to the “outside” world. When it comes to my feelings I tend to lie. I have the ability to look someone square in the face and tell them I don’t love them…even though I love them more than anything. I have, in the past, told people I’m fine…when in all reality I’m not anywhere close to fine.

Why?

I know I do it to protect myself. I want to protect myself from being hurt by someone taking my most tender and vulnerable feelings and walking all over them. It comes from experiencing that level of pain in the past.

I’ve changed a lot since I started doing that. Now I can try to lie about my feelings, but my eyes have long since abandoned their part in the lie…anyone can tell anything by my eyes. Well, so I’m told. Though my eyes have told the truth for some time, I have been working on the rest of me. I am working towards wanting to tell people the truth…but it’s hard for me. Sometimes it requires I close my eyes and jump in feet first, regardless of how I imagine the other person will react.

Other people lie though.

It is very hard to strive to be completely truthful when all around you people are lying to you.

Why do they do it? Are they protecting themselves from danger? Are they protecting other people? Are they simply telling themselves a lie, so in correlation telling lies to you? Perhaps they are just afraid of the same consequences I am afraid of.

What a hazardous circle for people to be in. If only we could all walk around with little noses that grow…

I find my sanctuary with my friends, they are easy to tell the truth too because I believe they will be there despite the reaction. I am very thankful to have not experienced anything different.

Finding Waldo

This weekend was packed with well spent time with friends.

Friday we celebrated J’s birthday…what a great night. Between closing a restaurant with friends in Georgetown, to Lebanese food at 2:00 am in the morning…it was great. Sure I woke up with the worse stomach feeling in the world, but B made a few suggestions that seemed to work well for the hour we snoozed through before going home.

I found out, from B later that weekend, that I used B as a pillow Friday night…but soon was admitting that I rather sleep next to someone than alone any given day of the week…so if it meant sacrificing his space for one night so be it...it did not seem to sacrifice his comfort. I also think that offering endless amounts of backrubs kind of makes up for the pillow-thing.

I then was scolded, rightly so, for having a day old bottle of Gatorade in my car that I was considering consuming. Turns out those things go bad. Go figure.

Saturday I went to Derby Cross with my horse-family. It was fantastic to say the least! Maggie’s “mom” got a spot right on the rail, so we saw almost everything! We all were a little worried about the polo player’s ability to jump over those fences, and even more worried about the horses they galloped the entire course, but in the end all was well. One rider did fall badly, and when her horse got caught under the jump she became injured by the poor horses flaying legs.

We stayed for Twilight Polo which was a lot of fun, E and her boyfriend stayed with us, and both J and I enjoyed chatting with them while rooting for both Polo teams. I unfortunately was not up for going back out Saturday night, and was disappointed that I couldn’t go dancing with J…damn stomach!

Sunday I went to the Zoo with B and his munchkin, Miss E. We had a great time walking around while Miss E got her fill on all the animals she likes; I proved my skills as an avid Where’s Waldo reader, and was able to point out several hiding animals…which quickly triggered groups of people to crowd the rail to see the newly discovered animal. Miss E seemed very fascinated by the shrews and the sting rays and did not want to willingly leave them. She made the cutest faces and was most adorable when she was pointing at things for her Daddy to see. She finally had enough of the zoo and was so tired that she, much to the surprise of the adults, suggested we go back to the car. Hands down the easiest fight to go home I’ve ever seen. Miss E was actually shouting for us to go faster…but trotting uphill in 90 degree humid weather, while pushing a stroller in flip flops is pretty much my limit...I just can’t go any faster than that. Haha! We got in the car and out of the zoo just as it down poured. She was out in a matter of minutes.

Ending the weekend with a movie at A’s place Sunday night…it was a great weekend. Not a great movie though…a terrible ending.

What?! Productivity Who?

This is contributing to a great day...

Grace Kelly

There is always an end of the tunnel…just sometimes it’s so far ahead that you don’t see it immediately…and the harder ones don’t have foot lighters.

I woke up this morning actually feeling good. It’s funny to feel great after so many days of feeling really bad.

Listening to Mika’s Grace Kelly is actually making me even happier! Go listen to it. (Click on the Oneway_Street link at the bottom right of this page to listen.)

Try not to smile while listening to it.

Now if only I can get this stress rash to go away…

And It Keeps Getting Better

I’m just alerting everyone that I am feeling very needy right now, and pretty sensitive to how things are said to me.

Just thought I’d warn everyone.

Hehe, at least I’m together enough to recognize how I’m feeling and what I need. It could be worse.

Right?

Human Contact

It’s amazing what a little human contact can do. After having a terrible week at work, well half week, making a lovely trip to the ER, and being doctor ordered to take the rest of the week off I was in dire need of another pick me up.

Then I got it. Friday I received a voicemail from B, another friendly message.

We went out with A and his not-girlfriend…and of course drank more than my share of beer. Was hassled several times to share in a little drama that found its way to me, but decisively did not implicate any of those who had contributed to the drama…it is not my place to share…

Went home…finished off the Greek Pasta dish I made for dinner (yes, at 3:00 am) and talked with B for a few more hours. It is so wonderful to have that level of contact with another person. I wonder if it was that obvious that it was well over due. We fell asleep around 5:30 am; God Bless our poor souls.

Woke up Saturday morning thinking it couldn’t get any better than this, I really love the well worth time I get to spend with B…he puts things into such an amazing perspective…I don’t think he even knows it. I see B off before taking the munchkin on a walk, and then headed off to the barn to see Dart get a ride with a trainer…then got a quick lesson from the Ferrier.

On my way home from the barn I remembered that my dear friend B (We’ll call him by his nickname, Coop) had left me a voicemail the afternoon, right as my phone battery committed suicide.

The Coopers had welcomed their baby girl into the world midday Friday! Then, as if it couldn’t get any better, they asked me to come see her at the hospital. Me! They invited Mrs. Coop’s parents, and ME!!

I quickly ran home and cleaned up then headed over to the hospital. She was so BEAUTIFUL!! She was perfectly pink and soft, with the sweetest little fingers, and lots of gorgeous brown hair. It was all too much for me.

I started sobbing. It was all just too much joy to hold in…

What an amazing weekend…full of the most wonderful kind of human contact. It was absolutely what the Doctor ordered.

Mac vs. PC

Hmm...so I'm not the only one who thinks sometimes computers are crap!

Talk About A Pick Me Up

Work this quarter has been kicking my bum! I have been so incredibly stressed that I actually have grey hair popping up. That’s right. I’m in my twenties, early twenties for that matter, and I already have grey hair. This is not cool.

I’m at work this morning stressing about a review and a million email responses I need to get done today, and I get a rather strange test message.

Just Wanted to send a random happy thought – hope all is well and have a great day! :)

So I’m thinking this has to be a mistake, B never text messages me…he must have fat fingered the phone number…

So I rather awkwardly message him back.

Is that meant for me?

The proverbial look behind your shoulder to see who they are really winking at move…

It seems that the message really was meant for me, B is on a crusade this morning to share happy thoughts with people.

It was received with much appreciation and actually changed my mood. I stopped typing like a mad woman and went down for breakfast with a friend. I also unclenched my jaw, which noticeably relieved all the tension I had in my neck, shoulders, and back.

Such a simple thing; but what an impact it had!

Thanks B…if only more people were like you…