Patience Only Goes So Far

I’m a very patient person…I’m also very understanding.

As long as people are open and honest with me, I can understand anything, and can practically wait forever for something important to me.

It is impossible to believe that I can tell what people are thinking and how they feel without any communication. I’m not a mind reader.

So as long as I’m left in the dark…I’ll continue to be the nutty, caring person I am. I’ll continue to send rather random messages to friends, just to let them know I’m thinking of them…see my “Talk About A Pick Me Up” post from July…and I’ll continue to obsess about everyone’s happiness and health. LOL. Ya’ll just have to deal with it.

However; with this supreme random affability comes a sense of “Eh”…

“Eh” is the proverbial shoulder shrug. If I don’t know what’s going on I can’t do anything about it. Of course I’ll question the situation the first few times, trying to feel my way around fixing it…but do it enough times and all you’ll get is a “eh”.

I rather spend my energy on those who appreciate the attention…and the awkward quirkiness of my outreaches. :-D I love my friends!

Way to Bring It Home

I added a new song to my MYSPACE page. I adore music! This song has fabulous words that hit home a little.

It’s amazing how many people, I am guilty of this myself, listen to music without hearing the words.

I remember when
I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase
Even your emotions had an echo
And so much space

And when you're out there
Without care
Yeah I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much

And I hope that you are having the time of your life
But think twice
That’s my only advice

Come on now
Who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are
Ha ha ha!
Bless your soul
You really think you're in control

My heroes had the heart, to put their lives out on the limb
And all I remember, is thinking I want to be like them
Ever since I was little
Ever since I was little it looked like fun
And it’s no coincidence I've come
And I can die when I'm done

But maybe I'm crazy
Maybe you're crazy
Maybe we're crazy
Probably

Pee in Someone Else's Sandbox

So I’m terribly sick with Tonsillitis. This doesn’t sound serious, but apparently is, for adults. The infection is so bad it spread… Not good I hear.

I have to have surgery next week to remove everything. Not good either, as I hear it. Apparently having T&A surgery is fine…if you’re a kid. I’ve asked people to stop with the horror stories. I’m not interested.

So in the face of real surgery…of course I thought at first it was as simple as removing wisdom teeth (wrong)…I’ve been thinking about priorities and life. Yes, I’m very fearful of the upcoming surgery…I’d be a little crazy not to be.

It’s taken my parents God knows how long to create a will. I’ve harassed them umpteen times to finish it for their son’s, who’s a minor remember, sake. I’ve spent hours arguing that if something where to happen to them today he would sit in foster care until I could get through the court system to gain custody.

Grant it, I’m sure no one would challenge my fight for custody…except for one Aunt, who will remain nameless. She would do stuff like that. I would deem her the martyr of the family. Does she want L Jr.? No. Would she fight for custody of him so everyone would find her valiant and saintly? You bet. She’d do it just so everyone would talk about how selfless she is, and how she picked up the crumbles of a crushed family…

…sorry, I threw up a little in my mouth…

So they finally have decided to complete the will. This means determining once and for all if my estranged brother JT wishes to ever participate in my mother’s life again. Hasn’t called in three years, and told her three years and two months ago he doesn’t want her to be his mother…but hey, everyone needs closure, right?

My concern, other than the fact that this is taking time away from finishing the will, is that JT has, and always will milk everything for what it’s worth. Hmm…well-to-do mother comes back into life. What can I get out of this? Bingo.

It’s frustrating to see that happen.

However, my mother seems to see it coming and it appears is armed and ready for what might come. I’m not worried for her.

That said my relationship with JT is nearly none existent. I’m not sure I’m willing to make it better at this time. Perhaps if he moved out of Dad’s house and made like an adult I would consider moving forward. I just can’t seem to make myself want to correspond with someone working well below expectations. Not to mention a few things I heard from people he treated less than ideally recently.

I decided some time back, that I will not lower my expectations in people and refuse to participate in less than ideal relationships. This means with family as well. Why not? Why not treat family like all other individuals in your life? What makes them so special? Hold them to the same bar!

If they piss you off, then tell them. You would anyone else, right? So why not face them and tell them so? If they get upset and stop talking to you, then oh well. It’s their loss. If they don’t want to be your friend, oh well. Find another friend. Only a few members of my family can claim to be friends of mine, so what do I care?

I’m prioritizing healthful, mutually beneficial, interesting, productive, life altering relationships. If you don’t fit the bill, you are not free to join. I’m afraid I will not apologize for this. I’m not sorry. If you don’t like it, change. Contribute healthy, interesting, productive pieces to the relationship. Make it mutually beneficial and life altering. Then you can be my friend.

Until then find another sandbox to play in, mine is full.

I can go into surgery knowing I’m surrounded by those who fit my priorities for life. Can you say the same?

Do I See a Trend...?

I come from an Air Force family.

When I was a teenager I created quite the uproar in the family when I wanted to by a “Marines” printed t-shirt instead of an “Air Force” print shirt.

About three years after living on the East Coast I started dating a Marine; again causing slight uproar in the family. Even better this time around, seeing as I was getting more out of it than a single layer of clothing.

I guess I’ve always been drawn to the more physical dynamics of the Marine Corp than the political dynamics of the Air Force. I like the whole idea of it.

Although I had to really think to find a recruiting commercial for the Marines that I liked more than the Army. I’m still not sure if the one I remember is “better” than the Army one. ;-) I guess it’s the music.

I’m still a sucker for those Devil Dogs. Hoo-Rah!

Eat an Apple...Find a Man

Are you a knight in shining armor…or just a guy with a plastic knife and a bicycle?

I find importance in knowing the difference between rescuing and protecting. Relationships have boundaries, fine lines between actions similar in intentions. You can be rescued, or you can be protected. What’s the difference?

Everyone wants to feel saved. It’s a nice feeling. It takes away the feeling of insecurity and removes the responsibility of resolution from the shoulders of those being rescued. The victim is relieved of their duty; all they need to do is sit back and watch their rescuer take care of business.

“Knights” rescue people. They ride gallantly into town and rescue the princess from demise, then gallop into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Okay, someone watches too much Disney.

Who wants to be rescued?!

We are adults. We don’t need to be rescued. What we need is to feel protected. Rescue me…or prevent a reason to be rescued?

I think what we are really looking for is someone to protect us from those experiences. We want a man who will keep us safe and help us avoid those terrible occurrences.

It isn’t a matter of being noble and fighting to the end. It’s about protecting loved ones from entering into situations that will harm them. Don’t go out and fight every person who has ever done them harm; keep them from being harmed in the future.

In return those loved ones will see you as their “knight in shining armor” without all the sappy Disney music!

Living With It...

I have this recurring dream about my past that never goes away. I’ve awoken from many fretful nights sweating and near tears. Sanguineous thoughts pollute every shadowed corner of my subconscious; my conscience being awaiting the peripeteia that’s has to come. It just has too.

It never does. I just wake up. The dark creature denigrates my dreams; ripping light out of bliss. Retching the good out of all those past memories; inspissating clouds of fear and regret.

It is infrangible. I’ve confronted the cause of these dreams. It doesn’t go away.

I’ve written novels on the thoughts flooding my head with terrifying, gut splitting memories. Still it doesn’t go away. It commoves continuously throughout my dreams.

That’s the thing about the past. No matter what you do you will never erase it from memory… It’s a constant reminder of where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and who we’ve known.

We can never run away from it…eventually we must face it and accept the terms…

…perhaps someday we will return to the quiescent waters that harbor comfort, even if it is a fata morgana.

Once again we will feel protected…the memories mollified for yet another night.

Side Note...

In hindsight I realized the below post seems to say that I do not think sex should be romantic, thoughtful, and sensual. I do believe that too…I’m just advocating that people stop analyzing it and enjoy it.

If you feel like kissing someone softly, then do it. On the other hand…if you really just want to throw them over the couch and…

It’s my blog and I’ll post whatever I want to…no matter how indecent this particular subject can get. You don’t have to read it. ;-)

Some like it hot…very, very HOT

A very good friend of mine is getting very serious in the relationship she’s in. Though she is very concerned about the lack of intimate dynamism plaguing their nearly perfect match…alas it haunts some of the best relationships.

It’s interesting that both of them work very hard to please each other; however, their problem is that he tries too hard to please her. She’s irritated by the amount of energy he spends trying to make sure she is enjoying herself, without expending energy on him.

Unusual, right? Most people would think women love to have all the attention.

Quite the contrary…so I believe. Sex is a very passionate, romantic, hopefully mind altering, wild act. There’s something about carnal instinct driving two bodies to take each other, equally…and then of course taking a little more. Raw nature compelling us to rouse each other’s senses…

I’m yours, and you’re mine…and I want to take you here and now…

For GOD sakes why does sex have to be so polite? It isn’t a dinner party where everyone takes turns pleasing each other.

It’s a fight to the climax (I couldn’t help that), two people relishing each other, pleasing themselves and unanimously pleasing each other in the act of doing so.

So grab some hair (not too hard), throw her on the bed, and just enjoy it…after all, it isn’t like praying (unless you’re Catholic, in which case I feel your pain)…

Note to Self: I probably should stop reading for a little while.

It’s a terrible thing to see a relationship flush because people are too concerned about the logistics of sex…just let it go…make her blush!

A life full of expectations…

**Warning: Many, in retrospect slightly depressing, thoughts included.**

…you can reach them, meet them, or exceed them. They can be high, low, or virtually none existent. They can be long term, short term, or random.

Everyone has expectations…some of us more than others.

What happens when we don’t meet other’s expectations? Better yet, what happens when they fail to meet our expectations?

In relationships this becomes a bitter question of desire and need. Do I need the person still? Am I okay with this person performing below my expectations? How important are my expectations to me? Can I overlook my expectations because this person attends my other needs?

Specifically in a romantic relationship the question frequently narrows down to whether their affection makes up for their lack of reaching your expectations. Does the fantastic, mind-blowing sex make up for their failing to meet your expectations?

In a friendship is often becomes a battle of esteem. Do I need this person as a friend even though they bounced my expectations? Often we ask ourselves, “Is it worth losing a friend over this?”

Ah, so this is where we reflect. What are my expectations? How attainable are these expectations? ARE THEY REALISTIC?

What we should be asking is: If I were on the other side of the table would I be able to reach these expectations myself? Am I building expectations because of a past experience?

IF I were to build expectations from past experiences it would look something like this: This fabulously nice guy will turn out to be a complete and utter Ass Hole…I’ll still fall for him, then I’ll get burnt…but am likely to believe he’s sorry and will never do it again…so I will stay.

Luckily I do not have such depressing expectations of people…though those ideas greatly affect what expectations I do have.

People will get close, and then they will leave. It is a way of life; I’m not going to stop it from happening.

People take as much as they can from those closest to them. It’s human nature, so get use to it.

Men tend to have ulterior motives…figure it out quick so you can prepare to be hurt by it. It hurts less when you know its coming.

I like to call them “realistic” expectations.

Okay, okay…so they are not as far off from each other, but one can wish can’t they?

Is it true that if you expect nothing from people you will be happily surprised more often?

Number 112 Ribbons!

I took third place this weekend…

After overcoming several obstacles, not all being on course…

The horse decided to kick the inside of the trailer on the way to Foxcroft, so when I pulled her off she was missing a chunk of hoof and bleeding from the coronet band. My trainer gave me her blessing on it, but suggested we get the Ferrier to check it out. So we walked over to him and after putting some glue over the missing hoof piece, to help with the sensitivity, he gave us his blessing.

Off to the first phase, Dressage, my trainer miss-heard the whistle and thought I was late…turned out the judge had not blown the whistle but was willing to forgive me my early entry if I promised to never listen to other people again. ;-) Poor Yoda…I think she needs some sleep. We rode it well, I had a lot of very nice comments on my test.

Phase two, Stadium, was a breeze…though Yoda shouted at me again when she thought I was going to jump the wrong jump. :-P I was passing by it, but the angle she saw looked like I was going to jump. We flew through it; Angel actually jumped everything, no rails down and all!

Phase three, Cross Country, was a workout and a half. She was very strong and it took a lot of muscle on my part to bring her back to me before each jump. I brought her down to a trot over most of them because she was so on the muscle. You can tell she loves her job. We came in under the time, no faults.

So I came in third, I’m very pleased…the top three were very close in scores; the Dressage score was the only thing separating us. The day flew by, everything running together like butter.

I couldn’t have asked for a better time!

Fulfilling Birthday Wishes

Thanks for everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday; it was great! I received requests from most of my very close friends to spend some time with them, starting Friday night and throughout the entire weekend. I even have plans with a few stragglers this coming weekend and the next…the partying just keeps on going!

No one could ask for a better group of friends.

So other than being foolishly sentimental about how great my friends are…

I had a long weekend…you have to love accrued PTO…filled with two lessons, an advanced HT with Yoda, a CT again with Yoda, and of course time with my friends. Both lessons went amazing well, so I think I’m more than ready for this coming weekend’s event. Woo Hoo!!

I’m hoping some of the stress that’s been following me will cease at least for the day on Sunday. Perhaps the person responsible for causing said stress can leave it all at home? I might be asking a bit much. I’ll be looking forward to spending the day with Yoda, Mom, M, and J…if she makes it. I’m also catching wind that A might surprise me and come watch…I suppose it all depends on how jetlagged he is. Damn business travel! LoL If I’m really nasty I’ll torture him by making him watch the video.

All in all it was exactly, minus the stress, the way I would have wanted to spend my Birthday weekend.

…oh that doesn’t mean A’s off the hook…just because he was on business travel…I’m looking forward to celebrating my Birthday when he gets back in town… ;-)

We Walked Over What?!

This last weekend was so completely full…and now we are heading into the next weekend already.

Friday night I started right off with a Chiropractor appointment…and then zoomed off to the horse auctions over at Frying Pan Park to meet my trainer.

The auction itself didn’t start until Saturday, but we wanted to preview the horses. We watched a lot of them ride, and walked through the Warmblood barn. Sweet things…

Saturday morning…yup, you guess it…back at the auctions checking out the morning previews. We say more horses…and tentatively picked out some favorites.

Then off to Foxcroft for cross country schooling! The day was a complete blast of course; except for the hilarious moment when the Princess and I trotted up to the first jump, then literally stepped over it! Four beat walk and everything! Good thing I have that on video…

Finished the day off with the auction back at Frying Pan…where sitting on your hands to keep from bidding wasn’t doing so well.

Sunday was A-time. WooHoo! I love my weekly dose of A-time…of course this one ended with taking him to the airport. He gets to spend the next couple of weeks in San Diego for work. Life’s tough for him. Lol

Ah…what a weekend. I loved every minute of it! Now to look forward to daily rides, trips to the gym, almost daily chiropractor visits…and of course someone has a special day approaching! Ha! This weekend will be full of riding lessons, in which I have two, my trainer’s HT and a big-time HT in Leesburg...Teddy O'Connor will be there.

If only I can get through being this point person on this project…of course it’s just a load dump from someone else…after they mangled it past recognition…oh well, just more hours to submit for my PMP…

The Dues Are In!

I’ve sent in my entry form and dues for the DPC HT coming up!

A little nervous about the Dressage test…I can barely remember what meetings I have in a day, let alone a dressage test! I’ll be out at the barn next week walking through the test on foot…good thing most people don’t know where the barn is.

So a little more than two weeks after my accident and I’ll be riding everyday this week. Again, I don’t waste any time....though my chest felt like a two ton weight all day yesterday. Of course that didn’t stop me from dancing.

It’s like I told the Doctor, I will work through pain…so long as I’m not doing any damage to anything.

Oh yes, I have a protective vest to use…so no more worries about that!

A Little Fluid Never Killed Anyone

The verdict is in…

I will be competing in October.

The Ortho gave me the thumbs up to ride again, and to compete. It looks like there was no ligament damage, just fluid. Apparently the fluid is what is causing all the pain…damn fluid.

Other than pain he says I won’t have any problems. He said the fluid should reabsorb within a few weeks, but to come back in six if the pain doesn’t go away. No brace, no rehab!!!

Yaaaah Me!

I had a lesson scheduled within five minutes of walking out of the office…I obviously do not waste time with things.

A little bad news…I have been told not to fall anymore. Ha! Like that will never happen again. The thing is my sternum has a fracture in it. I’ve been told that when it fuses back together it will never be as strong as it once was…in a nut shell that means that another fall like the one I had could do more than just fracture it again. So it looks like any cross country work I do will include a protective vest.

By the way, that is an actual frame of my knee above. I love technology!! They gave me a copy of the MRI disk.

Dreams Are For Everyone...

Weekends Are For Making Mistakes

The weekend…

You run around stressed and overworked all week…just to head off into the weekend.

Sleep deprivation of course blurs your conscience and principles.

You run around blind to consequences…until Monday when the week starts over again.

Knee Updates...

I saw the orthopedic surgeon yesterday. I love this group; they have some amazing doctors…

Looks like a serious sprain, at least per Dr A. I took more X rays…no broken bones. Looks like I will still be on crutches, but am off the immobilizer for the time being. He’d like to put me in a brace with hinges so I can bend my knee while giving it support, though he would like to wait for the abrasions on my knee to heal a little.

He also wants me to get an MRI to be sure the swelling and bruising is not because of ligament damage, he is worried about my medial meniscus.

I go in for an MRI Friday evening, and then another appointment with the ortho four days after that. That will be the moment of truth. Keep your fingers crossed…

Oh, and the chest still hurts like a bitch…but what can you do? I’ve been told to force deep breathes or cough a couple times a day to avoid pneumonia or any other infection from not inhaling/exhaling deeply. You can all imagine how good that feels…

The View From the Ground

Humpty Dumpty fell this weekend while riding with a bunch of friends out in Middleburg…and fractured her sternum, and bruised up her knee (I’m hopeful that is all I did to it; have yet to have that confirmed).

Spent two hours in the ER; which I consider a record fast time…was yelled at by several people for driving myself there… Enjoyed a CAT scan, a CT, and several very painful X-rays…plus two IVs (I was considered a trauma case since I broke my helmet), and that very cool warm stuff that dies your blood for the CT. Plus I escaped having my shirt cut off simply because someone there understood how expensive riding apparel is.

Am now on pain meds for the sternum…and in a knee immobilizer until I can get in to see the orthopedic surgeon for an MRI to confirm whether it’s just bruising or more ligament damage. Other than hurting when inhaling, exhaling, coughing, sneezing, and hiccupping, I feel fine. I would have ridden yesterday in fact if it weren’t for my knee.

My number one question for the doctor?

When will I be able to ride again?

Again With The Torturing...

Below are pieces of a blog post that a friend of mine posted recently. Instead of filling their comment section with my thoughts on the post I decided to take the relevant section and write about it here…

“Well...... you know those sitcom-style neighbor stereotypes... the ones always borrowing things from the main character - who then acts like they are doing the loaner a favor?

You know... like "I took a few of the six-packs of beer out of your fridge... so you'd have more room the next time you went to the store." (Insert laugh track)...

You kind of assume people aren’t actually LIKE this, right? Yet, there it is... True, it is slightly more subtle, but I have started noticing the trend with someone close to me.
I think maybe it’s just an inconsiderate ego-thing to avoid expressions of gratitude, but rather to turn it around so you don't have to acknowledge how much you are taking/receiving from another person....fear of debt to them? Fear that you will be called on to reciprocate? Hmm...that may be hinting at something there.....

Still, there it is...”

I’m curious to find why people do this. I too have experienced something very similar to what they are describing, from someone I also highly regard (perhaps the same person? I don’t know the answer to that.)

There the problem may lie…

I’ve come to the conclusion that I regard this particular person as a better friend then he regards me as. Being such I treat him better than he treats me. The funny thing is I can’t bring myself to treat him any different.

The biggest problem…I don’t understand why he doesn’t want to reciprocate the feelings. Perhaps I advanced him on the friend list without actually seeking approval. Maybe he doesn’t want to be that close a friend to me…that’s actually a very depressing thought.

Maybe he wants to reciprocate those feelings…but doesn’t know how too. Maybe he’s afraid too. Hmm…that’s an entirely new blog post.

Meanwhile, I feel that I’ve been loaning out the friend benefits left and right…and dropping my world to be there for him when needed…all to find out that I didn’t need the extra room in the fridge…in fact all that extra room just showcases what isn’t there.

It’s an incredibly poor play; one of the players does not know their lines. Said player has lines whispered to them by someone who inexplicably loves them (not in the romantic sense) and cannot stand seeing them fail; the player triumphs…but forgets who helped them when they needed it. The audience sees everything, asks for their money back…but then is found at the stage door asking for autographs.

I need help stopping myself from feeding him lines when he needs it. I know…well before doing it…that whatever I give him will not be returned. I will drop everything to be there for him, but he will never make time for me. The thing is…I would never wish him to be alone when he needs someone. So for the time I will sacrifice my own desire for friendship, and everything that encompasses it, so that he may not feel abandoned.

Stupid me probably needs to realize that he will never be abandoned…he will always have someone to lean on. He is very good at making it seem like he is doing me a favor by letting me be there for him. Letting me cheer him up when things aren’t going well.

Lucky me.

So the real question is how do we stop this from driving us nuts? Now that we can see what is happening…what do we do to avoid it? Do we want to avoid it?

Perhaps we just say we want to avoid it so we don’t sound crazy for putting ourselves through this hell again…but in reality something about the person draws us in…like a bad addiction. We just can’t seem to stop torturing ourselves…

One Hell of an Adult-Themed Post!

LIBRA, the sex addict:
Very pretty; very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun, and sweet; they have a unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed!!! Not the kind of person you want to fuck with...you might end up crying... The most irresistible, rare to find; is funny and talkative. Did I say Amazing in Bed? Is erotic and smart; loves sports. Gets what he/she wants; loves to be in a relationship.

I found a bulletin today that had this description of a Libra. I don’t know if this entirely describes me, but it doesn’t sound half bad.

I saw a movie last night with A, about a girl who is deaf and mute who is stuck listening to people’s secrets since she can’t really hear or repeat information. It was very interesting. All of the main characters, besides the father, were in High School. It was very apparent that the most important thing to these High School kids, and actually the father as well, was having sex. I have to admit that when I was in high school sex was the last thing on my mind.

Now it’s the only thing on my mind. Ugh. As much as I don’t want to admit it, it’s been a long time since I’ve had a really good experience in the bedroom department. A really long time. I’m watching this movie about these teenagers obsessing about who wants to screw who and whether someone’s big enough or not…they used select language that even adults I know wouldn’t use so openly. (Maybe that’s my social upbringing coming out…it’s just not polite to use certain phrases in mixed company.)

So I’m watching this movie, and every other scene I’m reminded just how slow my sex department is. Even when it wasn’t so slow, the shoppers were all pretty mediocre. I’m not saying that they may have rocked someone else’s world at one time or another; it just didn’t do it for me.

Then this morning a dear friend of mine calls complaining about why all of the sudden all of the men she knows want to have alternate methods of sex; as if “normal” sex just isn’t doing it for anyone now. I’m not sure I can define “normal” because I believe we all have a little sex-kitten in us that gets excited about doing “different” things, and being such we all interpret “normal” differently. In this particular case “normal” is not limited to how it is done or what location people chose to be in when partaking in such activities, as much as to where certain things are going.

(Using tact and maintaining some form of dignity while writing this is proving exceedingly difficult)

I’m listening to my friend, all the while thinking why are you complaining? At least you're having sex!

So then the next question is what do I do about it? I may chose to search out a potential partner; it can’t be that hard…but then what does that make me? Am I to be branded for life because I am seeking out someone to actually rock the boat for me? What if I find someone up for the task, but they prove unworthy? Do I keep searching?

I can’t…no, I won’t do that. I’m not up for the task at hand. I’m sorry if I can count my partners on my fingers…and no I’m not deformed in some way that gives me addition fingers to count on. I actually just found men who defined what I was looking for, in more ways than one, and I kept them around until one or both of us decided it was no longer working. No, I didn’t mix around and find a different man for each night of the week. It’s a little something called Monogamy. For those of you who have never heard this word it means: the practice of having only one mate.

That being said I think the most difficult line for me to cross is the fact that I don’t sleep with men immediately. The last person I tangled with way before I prefer to admit…well that relationship (if you can call it such) pretty much proved why I have a rule in the first place. I’m neither “easy” nor a slut…and I prefer not to be labeled as such. I prefer to know someone a little bit, become comfortable around them, and try to decrease the chance of what R affectionately refers to as a “bang and run” situation.

It’s actually kind of pitiful in a way…but hell, we’ve all been there and done that; just some of us are going through it now.

I with so many guy friends, all of whom are in a relationship of some type….

…except for wonderful S who lives so damn far away….S proves that sometimes friends make the best lovers…they tend to know you better than you think. ;-) Plus, in most cases and if things are arranged carefully, I think they make an exception to many rules…

Se’la’vie

Beautiful People Can Be Incredibly Smart…

Someone very smart posted a blog about awkwardness and frustration that we cannot always reach out to each other because of misunderstandings and the threat of leaving the wrong impression.

All I have to say is that people in dire need of comfort will never turn away a concerned thought…or hand for that matter. Human contact is a powerful thing…it can mend even the most broken hearts.

I should also congratulate said “Smart Someone” for something that happened this weekend. I really hope that things work out this time and that everyone comes out happy in the end. That’s my most sincere wish. :-)

Perhaps R is right, I might consider a trip out to California for a little TLC. P has been asking me to come, and I could really use a big hug and the chance to just cry it out.

Brio, you are correct that my friends are still here; they are just currently occupied with both great and not-so-great things going on in their own lives. They have enough to worry about without my problems.

Perhaps the best thing for me to do is revel in their happiness until whatever this is goes away.

Please just let it go away. It really hurts.

You’re wrong…sometimes you are alone…

A very difficult chapter of my life was completed this weekend…but it is proving exceedingly difficult to let go.

I know why. I just can’t stop it.

This is a point in time when friends come in really handy. However all of my friends seem to have more important things to do.

It’s okay…really. I understand that my problems are not as important to other people as their own…

The thing is…I always try to be there for them when they need consoling…but it seems that time and again no one is available when I really need them.

Why is it that I fight to make time for everyone else, drop plans to be there for those I care about when they need someone, sacrifice my own needs quite often, with little to no return when I seem to need it?

I’m left feeling…slightly deserted. Alone…trying to fight the urge to need someone I shouldn’t need anymore. I’m left to my own thoughts of inadequacy and weakness.

Perhaps I do not really need other people…maybe this is a sign that I should do this on my own.

Feeling alone is a horrible feeling.

I am desperate for solace.

Tales Of Mere Existence

Oh this applies to so many people I know…we are amazingly intelligent people who love to torture ourselves.

I Can Find Waldo…What About Truth?

It’s been said in the past that I am terribly truthful to people about the facts, but less so about my feelings.

I find this a rather intriguing truth about myself; I can tell anyone the truth about facts, about inanimate objects, about anything pertaining to the “outside” world. When it comes to my feelings I tend to lie. I have the ability to look someone square in the face and tell them I don’t love them…even though I love them more than anything. I have, in the past, told people I’m fine…when in all reality I’m not anywhere close to fine.

Why?

I know I do it to protect myself. I want to protect myself from being hurt by someone taking my most tender and vulnerable feelings and walking all over them. It comes from experiencing that level of pain in the past.

I’ve changed a lot since I started doing that. Now I can try to lie about my feelings, but my eyes have long since abandoned their part in the lie…anyone can tell anything by my eyes. Well, so I’m told. Though my eyes have told the truth for some time, I have been working on the rest of me. I am working towards wanting to tell people the truth…but it’s hard for me. Sometimes it requires I close my eyes and jump in feet first, regardless of how I imagine the other person will react.

Other people lie though.

It is very hard to strive to be completely truthful when all around you people are lying to you.

Why do they do it? Are they protecting themselves from danger? Are they protecting other people? Are they simply telling themselves a lie, so in correlation telling lies to you? Perhaps they are just afraid of the same consequences I am afraid of.

What a hazardous circle for people to be in. If only we could all walk around with little noses that grow…

I find my sanctuary with my friends, they are easy to tell the truth too because I believe they will be there despite the reaction. I am very thankful to have not experienced anything different.

Finding Waldo

This weekend was packed with well spent time with friends.

Friday we celebrated J’s birthday…what a great night. Between closing a restaurant with friends in Georgetown, to Lebanese food at 2:00 am in the morning…it was great. Sure I woke up with the worse stomach feeling in the world, but B made a few suggestions that seemed to work well for the hour we snoozed through before going home.

I found out, from B later that weekend, that I used B as a pillow Friday night…but soon was admitting that I rather sleep next to someone than alone any given day of the week…so if it meant sacrificing his space for one night so be it...it did not seem to sacrifice his comfort. I also think that offering endless amounts of backrubs kind of makes up for the pillow-thing.

I then was scolded, rightly so, for having a day old bottle of Gatorade in my car that I was considering consuming. Turns out those things go bad. Go figure.

Saturday I went to Derby Cross with my horse-family. It was fantastic to say the least! Maggie’s “mom” got a spot right on the rail, so we saw almost everything! We all were a little worried about the polo player’s ability to jump over those fences, and even more worried about the horses they galloped the entire course, but in the end all was well. One rider did fall badly, and when her horse got caught under the jump she became injured by the poor horses flaying legs.

We stayed for Twilight Polo which was a lot of fun, E and her boyfriend stayed with us, and both J and I enjoyed chatting with them while rooting for both Polo teams. I unfortunately was not up for going back out Saturday night, and was disappointed that I couldn’t go dancing with J…damn stomach!

Sunday I went to the Zoo with B and his munchkin, Miss E. We had a great time walking around while Miss E got her fill on all the animals she likes; I proved my skills as an avid Where’s Waldo reader, and was able to point out several hiding animals…which quickly triggered groups of people to crowd the rail to see the newly discovered animal. Miss E seemed very fascinated by the shrews and the sting rays and did not want to willingly leave them. She made the cutest faces and was most adorable when she was pointing at things for her Daddy to see. She finally had enough of the zoo and was so tired that she, much to the surprise of the adults, suggested we go back to the car. Hands down the easiest fight to go home I’ve ever seen. Miss E was actually shouting for us to go faster…but trotting uphill in 90 degree humid weather, while pushing a stroller in flip flops is pretty much my limit...I just can’t go any faster than that. Haha! We got in the car and out of the zoo just as it down poured. She was out in a matter of minutes.

Ending the weekend with a movie at A’s place Sunday night…it was a great weekend. Not a great movie though…a terrible ending.

What?! Productivity Who?

This is contributing to a great day...

Grace Kelly

There is always an end of the tunnel…just sometimes it’s so far ahead that you don’t see it immediately…and the harder ones don’t have foot lighters.

I woke up this morning actually feeling good. It’s funny to feel great after so many days of feeling really bad.

Listening to Mika’s Grace Kelly is actually making me even happier! Go listen to it. (Click on the Oneway_Street link at the bottom right of this page to listen.)

Try not to smile while listening to it.

Now if only I can get this stress rash to go away…

And It Keeps Getting Better

I’m just alerting everyone that I am feeling very needy right now, and pretty sensitive to how things are said to me.

Just thought I’d warn everyone.

Hehe, at least I’m together enough to recognize how I’m feeling and what I need. It could be worse.

Right?

Human Contact

It’s amazing what a little human contact can do. After having a terrible week at work, well half week, making a lovely trip to the ER, and being doctor ordered to take the rest of the week off I was in dire need of another pick me up.

Then I got it. Friday I received a voicemail from B, another friendly message.

We went out with A and his not-girlfriend…and of course drank more than my share of beer. Was hassled several times to share in a little drama that found its way to me, but decisively did not implicate any of those who had contributed to the drama…it is not my place to share…

Went home…finished off the Greek Pasta dish I made for dinner (yes, at 3:00 am) and talked with B for a few more hours. It is so wonderful to have that level of contact with another person. I wonder if it was that obvious that it was well over due. We fell asleep around 5:30 am; God Bless our poor souls.

Woke up Saturday morning thinking it couldn’t get any better than this, I really love the well worth time I get to spend with B…he puts things into such an amazing perspective…I don’t think he even knows it. I see B off before taking the munchkin on a walk, and then headed off to the barn to see Dart get a ride with a trainer…then got a quick lesson from the Ferrier.

On my way home from the barn I remembered that my dear friend B (We’ll call him by his nickname, Coop) had left me a voicemail the afternoon, right as my phone battery committed suicide.

The Coopers had welcomed their baby girl into the world midday Friday! Then, as if it couldn’t get any better, they asked me to come see her at the hospital. Me! They invited Mrs. Coop’s parents, and ME!!

I quickly ran home and cleaned up then headed over to the hospital. She was so BEAUTIFUL!! She was perfectly pink and soft, with the sweetest little fingers, and lots of gorgeous brown hair. It was all too much for me.

I started sobbing. It was all just too much joy to hold in…

What an amazing weekend…full of the most wonderful kind of human contact. It was absolutely what the Doctor ordered.

Mac vs. PC

Hmm...so I'm not the only one who thinks sometimes computers are crap!

Talk About A Pick Me Up

Work this quarter has been kicking my bum! I have been so incredibly stressed that I actually have grey hair popping up. That’s right. I’m in my twenties, early twenties for that matter, and I already have grey hair. This is not cool.

I’m at work this morning stressing about a review and a million email responses I need to get done today, and I get a rather strange test message.

Just Wanted to send a random happy thought – hope all is well and have a great day! :)

So I’m thinking this has to be a mistake, B never text messages me…he must have fat fingered the phone number…

So I rather awkwardly message him back.

Is that meant for me?

The proverbial look behind your shoulder to see who they are really winking at move…

It seems that the message really was meant for me, B is on a crusade this morning to share happy thoughts with people.

It was received with much appreciation and actually changed my mood. I stopped typing like a mad woman and went down for breakfast with a friend. I also unclenched my jaw, which noticeably relieved all the tension I had in my neck, shoulders, and back.

Such a simple thing; but what an impact it had!

Thanks B…if only more people were like you…

Deadly Treatmill?!

This is why I don't run on treadmills!

Shaking My Fist at Microsoft!

I'm struggling with Access 2007.

I do not normally struggle with program upgrades, but this one is too pretty. Pretty systems don't work...it isn't possible.

Is it?

This is frustrating me...I really just want to get my work done.

I'm sure I'll learn to love it and be thankful that it was upgraded...but for now I'm not having any fun. I just want my ugly old Access back. I'm sure this version is easier to use and makes things faster...

Talk about not being able to get over it huh?

Get Over It?!

What if I don’t want to get over something? Maybe I rather just continuously stoup over a painful memory or let my emotions determine how long it takes to resolve a feeling.

Have you ever tried telling your emotions to get over it?

Ha! Try it some time. Emotions don’t use logic, and getting over something is completely logical. You can’t reason with something that uses no logic.

So as long as I’m willing to admit that I’m not ready to get over something, shouldn’t it be acceptable to other people? Who are they to say when I should be over it? They are not me, and they do not know what I’m feeling.

I like to think that if you keep your emotions locked up long enough one day they will burst out and you’ll end up hurting everyone around you and perhaps yourself…hurt past the point of salvage. So let out those feels as they come! Find ways to express your feelings that are healthy and respectful…and every now and then perhaps a little unhealthy. Sometimes letting those expressions out can be good for the soul too. (I’m not saying it’s okay to hurt people on purpose mind you.)

For the record I am perfectly okay with however long it takes for all of you to get over stuff. You take your sweet time. Just be honest about it. I’m not a mind reader over here, so I need to have that much insight.

Oh yes, and I’ll never argue about how you feel.

What Happened to My Brain?!

Sheesh, I seem to be forgetting EVERYTHING lately!

I had a file open yesterday, BC asked me to close it before I left at noon so he could update it. I didn’t do it. This morning I asked him to update it, but I had it opened. He asked me to close it. I closed it, and then I opened it right back up; for reasons unknown to me. So he had to ask me to close it again all the while laughing and calling me “Blondie”.

I asked for someone’s contact information as a reply to a message that included their contact information.

This last weekend I took $10 out of my trainer’s purse to grab a hamburger for her and stuffed the left over $5 in my pocket while rushing to find her before the next round…then proceeded to forget it was in my pocket.

I forgot to call my Step-Mom on Mother’s Day.

I opened three escalation system tickets but never sent them.

This is not like me. I normally remember things very well, but lately…

….Maybe it’s something in the water, lack of sleep, or too much sun. Anyone have a cure for forgetfulness?

Are You Actually Contributing in a Good Way?

Sometimes responses are not required when people talk. They are not always necessary to fulfill the conversation. It is okay to just listen.

If you have to ask yourself if what you are about to say will help or hinder the conversation...it may be better just to not say it.

Thank you BB for posting a similar picture as I did above…I loved the site it came from…

Kevin Eikenberry is a GENIUS!!

Everyone needs to promptly click on the “New Dreams Coaching” link below and read the top entry taken from a book written by Kevin Eikenberry.

I can’t believe how much I agree with exactly what he is saying. I wish I could mass email it to everyone I know…but I took an oath long ago not to mass email people unless its work related.

People who find those around them are suspicious of them or don’t always believe them should get a lot out of this.

http://www.newdreamscoaching.com/blog/

What Do You Mean Someone Doesn't Like Me?!

I’ve managed to go nearly a month without a single post; which mind you was harder than it sounds. I started many posts, but each and every one inevitably was lost to the chaos of work and life.

I’ve thought a lot about life and where different steps take you. Can one step in this direction still lead you in that direction? It’s interesting the way our lives develop and how simple changes can result in big impact.

I looked back on the last weekend with irresolution. Was it a good weekend or a bad one? Did the steps I took this weekend put me towards the life I want now, or the life I want five years from now? Does it all really matter in the long run? It’s all a moot point until you reach five years from now and kick yourself in the ass because it really did matter.

I figured out at work that I have no idea how to work with people who don’t like me. It’s like I just stand there looking dumfounded at them wondering why. Why don’t they like me? Everyone else here likes me. I try hard to please everyone and work like a raging machine to meet my deadlines early. I mind my own business. Why don’t they like me?

Thirty minutes later they still don’t like me.

Last week we had scheduled financial cross training because of a new hire who didn’t know how to reconcile some of our financial reports with bank statements. This is very important to our job. I asked a very important question so she could hear the answer, and man who doesn’t like me bites my head off for interrupting his training, then blissfully goes on the answer the five other questions posed by other interrupters. Hmm…interesting. I might have accidentally let it get the better of me and slipped out a bad word or two under my breath. Checked out my boss with my peripheral vision, she isn’t looking up.

After the fact I asked her if there were any classes I could take outside the office for “How to work with people who hate you and want to run you over in the parking lot”.

There are none.

In the end, said man is being let go very, very soon; and I am slotted to take a two day class on how to work with difficult people. It was the best we could find.

When love flickers you heart goes with it...

My Mom recently posted on her blog a piece about inner growth and development. It’s ironic actually.

Has anyone every considered that perhaps inner growth can destroy relationships instead of build them?

No…I didn’t think so.

I’ve never heard someone say that their relationship was obliterated because of inner growth.

Grant it, some relationships cannot withstand complete inner growth because they are built on the frailties of immaturity and lack of personal gratification. Instead those relationships rely on the continuous prevarication that I understand you and you understand me.

This is crap.

How can one understand another without the homogeneous effort to grow and develop together?

Has is become perfunctory for people to consider good relationships those that are sensational on the outside, but mutilated on the inside?

I feel broken today. Mind, body, and spirit…all broken.

Mindless Thoughts Cause Infinite Dreams

I’ve been daydreaming all day today.

I would give my first born right now if I could leave my office and just go play outside. I don’t care how cold it is. Anything would be better than being stuck inside on a day like today.

Come summer I will be wiggling in my chair waiting for the clock to tick five o’ clock. It will not be able to come sooner. Time will almost stand still at ten minutes till and I will be in complete agony.

Is there anything better than a girl who loves to pull on an old pair of jeans and ride until her bum is numb and her legs burning beneath her? I love getting dirty with my pony!

Oh yes, and Dart is still lame but hopefully new shoes will make it better soon!

Bearing Love with Longanimity

Love can be excruciating sometimes.

Just saying that little word can bring a lot of heartache and bruising. Once love is brought into the picture the flood gates open for all existing brands of suffering.

It’s interesting that such a simple word can bring such an onslaught of tribulation.

An evasive word but not spoken nearly enough. Perhaps if it were it would not be such an afflicting term.

Perhaps if we heard it spoken often with such sentiment that only true devotion and fervor are evoked we would never again feel the tumultuous strain of vulnerability and mauled emotions.

After all, this little word is easily not spoken but interminably felt and impossible to ignore.

We all need to encounter love more often.

Inveigh To Someone Less Happy Than I

The cherry blossoms are blooming.

This is one of my favorite times of the year. I could walk around downtown for hours snapping pictures of the blossoms and the people who flock there to see them.

It’s interesting to see the different types of people who come out. It’s almost like the cherry blossoms signal an end to our hibernation.

That is what we do after all. We hibernate; but not just our bodies, we hibernate everything.

One of my biggest peeves is when you know that someone is thinking about something, and you really do want to hear what it is, but they only mumble “nothing” when you ask them to disclose their thoughts. I’m guilty of this myself; though it doesn’t bother me quite as much when I do it as when others do it. ;-)

The fact is that no one likes to share their thoughts if there is any consideration that one’s thoughts might not be taken the way they are meant. We don’t want to open ourselves up to that kind of rejection. What if I want to tell someone I love them (this might be the ultimate example), but when all is said and done the expression on the recipients face is one of utter shock and disgust? Alas the threat of such an event smolders any aspiration of sharing one’s thoughts. It just won’t happen.

So we satisfy out pathetic hunger with thoughts of what that other person might say. We muse about what it could be like.

Hahaha…we just stare longingly into one another’s eyes willing them to say exactly what we are thinking so we both can feel contentment and comfort.

I don’t have to say anything because it’s obvious that the person staring into my eyes already feels what I’m thinking…

….when in reality they are thinking about French fries or some other guilty pleasure.

Unwanted Rebarbative Commentaries

As much as I like to talk I also enjoy listening to the people around me. I have a habit of following more than one conversation at once. :-) Not to say that I’m not listening to the person who is actually talking to me, but I can additionally catch interesting words being spoken near me. I often catch parts of conversations that interest me more than the conversation I’m occupied with. Some of the people I’ve met recently can’t contribute to a conversation if their life depended on it; so I find my thoughts wondering towards more colorful discussions. It’s kind of like listening to only one end of a phone conversation.

One of my favorite Bloggers, Jeff Gates (whose blog is linked under the sites I love), has running blog entries about the phone conversations he hears while on the Metro. It’s interesting to contemplate exactly what it is the other person is saying. You can never be entirely sure of the verbiage but in most cases you can approximate the tone. What’s being said can be just as affecting as the tone it is said in; though the tone of the conversation really has the biggest impression on the majority of people. I know it does for me.

I am very sensitive to the tone in which things are said. I’ve heard a lot of garbage coming from people’s mouths in my lifetime. I have had people take their cruddy lives out on me before…I use to accept it, let it roll off my shoulders and try to forget that it happened…

…I suppose I can’t say I use to. I still do.

I understand that people need to vent and that sometimes your bad day is going to rub off on other people. You can’t just get out of your slump because you’re around someone that makes you happy. Sometimes those kinds of days just don’t come off that easily. Sometimes you will be angry at the one person you love more than anything. That’s okay too. It is okay to be angry or frustrated.

It is not okay to make that person feel worthless because you have not learned to listen to yourself as you speak. It is not okay to ignore your tone in hopes that venting on this poor person will make you feel better. It is not okay to treat the person who cares the most as someone who you could careless for.

Take a hint from me and move furniture or clean the kitchen grout with a toothbrush; for it is far easier to keep your mouth shut than it is to ask for forgiveness for saying something you will regret. The damage is already done once it is heard by its intended recipient. No amounts of “sorry” will make that other person forget what was said or the tone thereof.

Next time you are talking to someone maybe you should pay considerate attention to the tone in which you are speaking and dare to predict the affect your words will have on those who are intently listening.

Idiosyncrasies Meet Raw Indomitability

I completely understand people’s idiosyncrasies, and I understand that people don’t always have the same level of ambition; but there should be no reason why people have to exert their attitude on others.

I come into work on time every day. I normally eat through my lunches if I decide to eat, and I’m always available when people need me. I take on more work readily. I meet all of my deadlines so far as I have control over. I make it to all of my meetings on time. I ride that delicate balance between having fun and getting my work done.

So what is the deal with the person in the office that can’t seem to do any of it? He doesn’t come in on time. He take his lunch late and then comes back two hours later. He takes four to six smoke breaks a day, each at least ten to fifteen minutes long. He doesn’t have any projects assigned to him anymore because he can’t get anything done on time or remotely correct.

Where did those projects go? You’ve got it. Me. I get to receive ten different calls a day from Chase Morgan to notify me that the control totals from the day before still have not been called in. I have to sift through those ten calls to see if any of them are valid. That’s just the start of it.

To add insult to injury he corrupts my temp. So now I have a mouthy temp who doesn’t think he has to do anything because this particular guy does crap and still gets paid…gets paid to search on eBay all day and smoke. What a life huh? Is it any wonder the temp wasn’t offered the full time position we had?

I tell you what. You can slack off all you want. You can sit on your ass and let everyone else work hard around you. You can decide that dedication is only for those who want something out of life, but you don’t have to take action because you are coming to the end of yours. You can think that since you are close to retirement you can bad mouth others behind their backs and walk around calling the woman you work with derogatory names.

You can do that if that’s what make you sleep at night; but do not waste my time. Do not point a finger at me when you screw something up. Do not cry in the boss’ office that I am unfair and a cruel hearted bitch. Do not get in my way as I work up to the top. Some day I will be your boss (if you hold out long enough old man) and you will want me on your good side.

Do not underestimate the determination of this chica.

Early Morning Phone Calls and Still No Ballet Date

It isn’t often that I am not able to find someone to do something with…but I think I might have met my match.

I simply cannot find someone to go to ballet with me this weekend.

It’s supposed to be a great ballet, and I have third (or fourth) row orchestra seats! Those are great seats! Why someone wouldn’t want to take me up on my offer just for the seats, I don’t know. It will be a great way to spend a Saturday night. It’s like going to the Opera; everyone gets dressed up and time seems to pause. The only difference is that I don’t have to search for someone to go to the Opera with me.

I find this very ironic; everyone wants to go to the Opera with me, but no one wants to go to a ballet. I get tickets every season to the Washington Opera from my Super-diva Mom; and people fight over my extra ticket like it’s the Hope Diamond. I just don’t get it.

So in the end I will be at that ballet, even if I’m by myself. I’ve done it before for the Opera, so I’ll do it again. Heck, it’s the Kennedy Center…I’m bound to run into someone I know.

Oh yes; thank you, to all of you men in my life, for blowing up my phone late last night. P, you must have missed the memo, I did not hear from you. Beware gentlemen; I’m going to start charging by the minute after 2:00 am. Perhaps some of you can wake up your girlfriends instead? Silly me, then I wouldn’t be Katharine who keeps her phone on and beside her bed for just such occasions.

Infinite Relief in Habitual Respiration

I feel so unmotivated to do anything productive today. All I really want is to sleep in a perpetual warm hug knowing that I’m not expected to do more then inhale/exhale exercises.

Wouldn’t that be great?

It is great for those of us who know what it's like to not be able to do that. Hugs always make breathing easier.

Hugs make EVERYTHING better.

Popping Up More Than a Daisy

I think it’s getting closer to my gardening season. I want to make sure that there will be no more freezing nights, so I might wait a couple more weeks yet. I’m very excited about this season, except for the fact that I don’t get direct sunlight on my balcony; I think it’ll be a great year. I’m planning on planting the normal violets. They are one of my favorite flowers…other than bulb flowers of course.

I might have to replant my hyacinths; I will dig up my bulbs in a few weeks and make sure they are not rotten from all of the water they drowned in this last month or so. They popped up very early because of the spring-like weeks we had right before all the snow, so of course they died back and never bloomed. This puts a serious damper on my spring. I was looking forward to coming home to some very beautiful hyacinths, but alas there are none.

I might steal some cuttings from my Mom’s hydrangea bush. I wonder what color they would be with the potting soil I use.

I can’t wait to get outside and get my hands in some potting soil…I can’t say dirty since the get dirty regularly at the barn…

It Must Be Spring...

It has to be spring...everyone I know seems to be pregnant. It's kind of bitter sweet that my life isn't making it possible to join all of the blissful mothers-to-be.

I passed the family tradition of being married with one kid by the time I was eighteen, what more do I have to wait for?!

I think it's funny to imagine what my life would be like if I had married J from college. I'd definitely have a kid or two. I wouldn't be living in D.C.; that boy would have died before visiting such a huge city. I'd be very unhappy for sure, probably would be smoking like a broken chimney.

On that other hand it is very interesting to contemplate what my life would be like if I had a baby now. I most certainly would have different friends, but for a few. I'd still be working where I am now, living in the same area. I might be married, but if common sense had anything to do with it I would not.

Its interesting food for thought...just how much change having a baby brings to your life...

Coupés and Piqués

I had my ballet class last night. I shouldn’t skip any more classes. Every time I skip one I come back to find that I’m once again in the front of everyone for the recital. Trudged my way through Coupés and Piqués across the floor, trying to figure out why this was so hard for some of the girls to figure out… Chassé, Coupé then Piqué. That’s it; you do it twice in one direction, then turn and do it again in the other direction. Needless to say we spent 20 minutes doing this back and forth across the floor. Someone couldn’t figure out where to put their hands, so they were told just to put them on their waist for the time being. Someone else couldn’t figure out how to Coupé into a Piqué fast enough without sickling their feet.

It was all getting just a little old, but I was enjoying the workout until someone turned on the overhead fans. Why do people think it’s a good idea to turn on fans while people are sweating? Sure! Let’s freeze the sweat right off you.

We skip some of the dance to get to the end sequence. I finally end up in the back!! Woo Hoo, being a little taller than some of the other girls pays off! This is the Pirouette combination. I love it. I don’t care much for Pirouettes unless its part of a combination, just because turning in endless circles gets old after a while. I get to be in the back right; we are in this diamond-type circle on the floor. I love it! Of course the girl who is in the center front holds her hands like she’s about to do a cheer…but I’m NOT complaining. Let her cheer, I don’t have to be in the front!

We end out class by going through the entire dance as we have it choreographed. It isn’t bad at all…if only we didn’t have to dance to Vivaldi. Ugh, I’ve had enough of Vivaldi. I wish I hadn’t missed the class where they picked out the music…but that just goes towards the argument that I shouldn’t miss any more classes.

Oh yes, and I got new toe pads. Did I remember to bring them to class? Nope. Next time…

Oh the Quesadilla Choices!

I slept through my alarm this morning, so right off the bat I’m think today isn’t going to be so good.

I get into the office and go grab breakfast with M. Yeah, yeah, so I was an hour late to work…that doesn’t mean I have to skip my caffeinated liquid-breakfast does it? I get back to my desk and start sifting through 107 emails. 107! Just from Friday afternoon through Monday morning. What could these people possible want over the weekend?!

Most of them were from another stable that I take lessons at. I school with this fantastic dressage horse and instructor, but I have to say, the concomitant annoyances of schooling at a place that is primarily catered to children really bites! I’m not going to stop going there; the instructor is amazing. I just get irritated that I have to be copied on all of these emails going out to parents about this and that.

I think I need to get more sleep. I went out to lunch with my old boss and M, and it took me about 15 minutes to decide on a chicken quesadilla. 15 minutes! It’s Baja Fresh for God’s sake, how hard can it be?

I’m also working on this billing system issue at work, but the folks out in California and up in Connecticut just don’t seem to want to play nice. Why can’t they just admit that they might have screwed something up and get on with it. I just want it fixed; I could care less who made the mistake. So that takes up a giant chunk of my time right now…”No, you legally have to notify people of this…” “Yes, I think this is part of a binding contract…” “No, we still need these folks notified to be compliant with federal legislation…”

Oh Lord what a day…it certainly can get worse…but one can hope.

Brindisi...Not a Bad Idea

Libiamo, libiamo ne’lieti calici

che la belleza infiora.

E la fuggevol ora s’inebrii

a voluttà.

Libiamo ne’dolci fremiti

che suscita l’amore,

poiché quell’ochio al core

omnipotente va.

Libiamo, amore fra i calici

più caldi baci avrà.

Tra voi, tra voi saprò dividere

il tempo mio giocondo;

Tutto è follia nel mondo ciò

follyche non è piacer.

Godiam, fugace e rapido

e’il gaudio dell’amore,

e’un fior che nasce e muore,

ne più si può goder.

Godiam, c’invita un fervido

accento lusighier.

(Godiamo, la tazza e il cantico

la notte abbella e il riso;

in questo paradiso ne sopra

il nuovo dì.)

La vita è nel tripudio

quando non s’ami ancora.

Nol dite a chi l’ignora,

e’ il mio destin così...