Pee in Someone Else's Sandbox

So I’m terribly sick with Tonsillitis. This doesn’t sound serious, but apparently is, for adults. The infection is so bad it spread… Not good I hear.

I have to have surgery next week to remove everything. Not good either, as I hear it. Apparently having T&A surgery is fine…if you’re a kid. I’ve asked people to stop with the horror stories. I’m not interested.

So in the face of real surgery…of course I thought at first it was as simple as removing wisdom teeth (wrong)…I’ve been thinking about priorities and life. Yes, I’m very fearful of the upcoming surgery…I’d be a little crazy not to be.

It’s taken my parents God knows how long to create a will. I’ve harassed them umpteen times to finish it for their son’s, who’s a minor remember, sake. I’ve spent hours arguing that if something where to happen to them today he would sit in foster care until I could get through the court system to gain custody.

Grant it, I’m sure no one would challenge my fight for custody…except for one Aunt, who will remain nameless. She would do stuff like that. I would deem her the martyr of the family. Does she want L Jr.? No. Would she fight for custody of him so everyone would find her valiant and saintly? You bet. She’d do it just so everyone would talk about how selfless she is, and how she picked up the crumbles of a crushed family…

…sorry, I threw up a little in my mouth…

So they finally have decided to complete the will. This means determining once and for all if my estranged brother JT wishes to ever participate in my mother’s life again. Hasn’t called in three years, and told her three years and two months ago he doesn’t want her to be his mother…but hey, everyone needs closure, right?

My concern, other than the fact that this is taking time away from finishing the will, is that JT has, and always will milk everything for what it’s worth. Hmm…well-to-do mother comes back into life. What can I get out of this? Bingo.

It’s frustrating to see that happen.

However, my mother seems to see it coming and it appears is armed and ready for what might come. I’m not worried for her.

That said my relationship with JT is nearly none existent. I’m not sure I’m willing to make it better at this time. Perhaps if he moved out of Dad’s house and made like an adult I would consider moving forward. I just can’t seem to make myself want to correspond with someone working well below expectations. Not to mention a few things I heard from people he treated less than ideally recently.

I decided some time back, that I will not lower my expectations in people and refuse to participate in less than ideal relationships. This means with family as well. Why not? Why not treat family like all other individuals in your life? What makes them so special? Hold them to the same bar!

If they piss you off, then tell them. You would anyone else, right? So why not face them and tell them so? If they get upset and stop talking to you, then oh well. It’s their loss. If they don’t want to be your friend, oh well. Find another friend. Only a few members of my family can claim to be friends of mine, so what do I care?

I’m prioritizing healthful, mutually beneficial, interesting, productive, life altering relationships. If you don’t fit the bill, you are not free to join. I’m afraid I will not apologize for this. I’m not sorry. If you don’t like it, change. Contribute healthy, interesting, productive pieces to the relationship. Make it mutually beneficial and life altering. Then you can be my friend.

Until then find another sandbox to play in, mine is full.

I can go into surgery knowing I’m surrounded by those who fit my priorities for life. Can you say the same?

Do I See a Trend...?

I come from an Air Force family.

When I was a teenager I created quite the uproar in the family when I wanted to by a “Marines” printed t-shirt instead of an “Air Force” print shirt.

About three years after living on the East Coast I started dating a Marine; again causing slight uproar in the family. Even better this time around, seeing as I was getting more out of it than a single layer of clothing.

I guess I’ve always been drawn to the more physical dynamics of the Marine Corp than the political dynamics of the Air Force. I like the whole idea of it.

Although I had to really think to find a recruiting commercial for the Marines that I liked more than the Army. I’m still not sure if the one I remember is “better” than the Army one. ;-) I guess it’s the music.

I’m still a sucker for those Devil Dogs. Hoo-Rah!

Eat an Apple...Find a Man

Are you a knight in shining armor…or just a guy with a plastic knife and a bicycle?

I find importance in knowing the difference between rescuing and protecting. Relationships have boundaries, fine lines between actions similar in intentions. You can be rescued, or you can be protected. What’s the difference?

Everyone wants to feel saved. It’s a nice feeling. It takes away the feeling of insecurity and removes the responsibility of resolution from the shoulders of those being rescued. The victim is relieved of their duty; all they need to do is sit back and watch their rescuer take care of business.

“Knights” rescue people. They ride gallantly into town and rescue the princess from demise, then gallop into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Okay, someone watches too much Disney.

Who wants to be rescued?!

We are adults. We don’t need to be rescued. What we need is to feel protected. Rescue me…or prevent a reason to be rescued?

I think what we are really looking for is someone to protect us from those experiences. We want a man who will keep us safe and help us avoid those terrible occurrences.

It isn’t a matter of being noble and fighting to the end. It’s about protecting loved ones from entering into situations that will harm them. Don’t go out and fight every person who has ever done them harm; keep them from being harmed in the future.

In return those loved ones will see you as their “knight in shining armor” without all the sappy Disney music!

Living With It...

I have this recurring dream about my past that never goes away. I’ve awoken from many fretful nights sweating and near tears. Sanguineous thoughts pollute every shadowed corner of my subconscious; my conscience being awaiting the peripeteia that’s has to come. It just has too.

It never does. I just wake up. The dark creature denigrates my dreams; ripping light out of bliss. Retching the good out of all those past memories; inspissating clouds of fear and regret.

It is infrangible. I’ve confronted the cause of these dreams. It doesn’t go away.

I’ve written novels on the thoughts flooding my head with terrifying, gut splitting memories. Still it doesn’t go away. It commoves continuously throughout my dreams.

That’s the thing about the past. No matter what you do you will never erase it from memory… It’s a constant reminder of where we’ve been, what we’ve done, and who we’ve known.

We can never run away from it…eventually we must face it and accept the terms…

…perhaps someday we will return to the quiescent waters that harbor comfort, even if it is a fata morgana.

Once again we will feel protected…the memories mollified for yet another night.

Side Note...

In hindsight I realized the below post seems to say that I do not think sex should be romantic, thoughtful, and sensual. I do believe that too…I’m just advocating that people stop analyzing it and enjoy it.

If you feel like kissing someone softly, then do it. On the other hand…if you really just want to throw them over the couch and…

It’s my blog and I’ll post whatever I want to…no matter how indecent this particular subject can get. You don’t have to read it. ;-)

Some like it hot…very, very HOT

A very good friend of mine is getting very serious in the relationship she’s in. Though she is very concerned about the lack of intimate dynamism plaguing their nearly perfect match…alas it haunts some of the best relationships.

It’s interesting that both of them work very hard to please each other; however, their problem is that he tries too hard to please her. She’s irritated by the amount of energy he spends trying to make sure she is enjoying herself, without expending energy on him.

Unusual, right? Most people would think women love to have all the attention.

Quite the contrary…so I believe. Sex is a very passionate, romantic, hopefully mind altering, wild act. There’s something about carnal instinct driving two bodies to take each other, equally…and then of course taking a little more. Raw nature compelling us to rouse each other’s senses…

I’m yours, and you’re mine…and I want to take you here and now…

For GOD sakes why does sex have to be so polite? It isn’t a dinner party where everyone takes turns pleasing each other.

It’s a fight to the climax (I couldn’t help that), two people relishing each other, pleasing themselves and unanimously pleasing each other in the act of doing so.

So grab some hair (not too hard), throw her on the bed, and just enjoy it…after all, it isn’t like praying (unless you’re Catholic, in which case I feel your pain)…

Note to Self: I probably should stop reading for a little while.

It’s a terrible thing to see a relationship flush because people are too concerned about the logistics of sex…just let it go…make her blush!