Someone once said “Everyone settles for less then they deserve at some point in their life.” I find this very true; only at the time I heard that I thought it mostly referred to career related forfeits. Since then (I was twenty when I heard this the first time) I’ve realized it plays a huge part in relationships to say the least.
After this last year I’ve been flooded with questions about settling…
Why do we settle? Are we afraid that this is as good as it gets? What if we break up with him/her and no one else comes along? We don’t want to be alone…no one wants to be alone in that sense.
Perhaps we feel obligated to stay in a relationship because we know what it means to the other person; or because we feel we owe them after so much time. Do we really owe them? It isn’t like money. Can you really owe someone your life? Since when are relationships blood debts?
What other things in our lives are being sacrificed? Are we doing everything we want to do still? Are we happy? Are we looking at other relationships, other people, wondering what it would be like to be them? Do we crush those thoughts with ideas that we don’t deserve that? Do we cut ourselves short as punishment? Do we have any idea why we’re punishing ourselves in the first place?
We punish ourselves all the time…whether we realize it or not. Maintaining a relationship with someone less than what we want, need, or deserve is punishment of the worst kind!
Here’s another thing; while we’re so busy settling for less than best, what are we doing to those around us less involved? Are you abusing fantastic friendships because we can’t seem to see what everyone else knows? Are we ignoring the truly magnificent people right in front of us because we are caught in a tangled web of obligation?
I spent so much time in that web…ignoring friends who were truly there to support me. In the end I found my way out of the web, but have still not found my way to fully reconciling the pain I caused a few of those friends. Was it worth it? Did that relatively short time span make losing a friend here and there worth it? Do good friends do that anyways?! Wouldn’t they understand that people make mistakes and forgive you for making a poor decision?
I’m dangerously close to burning out…so many questions, so many answers to each one!
….luckily I think I’ve learned from past mistakes and will not settle for less in the future…but I can’t help but hurt a little for those I see doing it themselves.
After this last year I’ve been flooded with questions about settling…
Why do we settle? Are we afraid that this is as good as it gets? What if we break up with him/her and no one else comes along? We don’t want to be alone…no one wants to be alone in that sense.
Perhaps we feel obligated to stay in a relationship because we know what it means to the other person; or because we feel we owe them after so much time. Do we really owe them? It isn’t like money. Can you really owe someone your life? Since when are relationships blood debts?
What other things in our lives are being sacrificed? Are we doing everything we want to do still? Are we happy? Are we looking at other relationships, other people, wondering what it would be like to be them? Do we crush those thoughts with ideas that we don’t deserve that? Do we cut ourselves short as punishment? Do we have any idea why we’re punishing ourselves in the first place?
We punish ourselves all the time…whether we realize it or not. Maintaining a relationship with someone less than what we want, need, or deserve is punishment of the worst kind!
Here’s another thing; while we’re so busy settling for less than best, what are we doing to those around us less involved? Are you abusing fantastic friendships because we can’t seem to see what everyone else knows? Are we ignoring the truly magnificent people right in front of us because we are caught in a tangled web of obligation?
I spent so much time in that web…ignoring friends who were truly there to support me. In the end I found my way out of the web, but have still not found my way to fully reconciling the pain I caused a few of those friends. Was it worth it? Did that relatively short time span make losing a friend here and there worth it? Do good friends do that anyways?! Wouldn’t they understand that people make mistakes and forgive you for making a poor decision?
I’m dangerously close to burning out…so many questions, so many answers to each one!
….luckily I think I’ve learned from past mistakes and will not settle for less in the future…but I can’t help but hurt a little for those I see doing it themselves.
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